The collective theme around here for the last 30 days was all NaPoBloMo, all the time. After posting every single day for 30 straight days, I may or may not have developed an unhealthy attachment to my laptop. So today when I was working got home from work0 and started thinking about what I was going to blog about, I began to shake violently when I realized that the jedi-mind trick I thought I was having was fo realz — I didn’t have to blog. And I immediately fell into the motherlode of all depressions, ran to my laptop and banged out this post. I guess coming down is always the hardest part.
Normally, there’s a monthly NaBloPoMo “theme1“, but thanksbeto the blogging gods, there was no theme for November, thus allowing me to flaunt my wicked blog posting skills and write about my adventures2 in Canada. I know it’s probably awkward that you tuned in today to find zero posts about the blogging madness, but on the off-chance you haven’t heard, I’m not NaBloPoMo-ing this month. For good and valid reasons3. Good and valid reasons I’m going to share with you like right frickin’ now!
1) I’m far too busy posting pictures of my shoes. And, what’s more, too busy buying shoes of which to post pictures.
2) Two words: December sweeps. (So help me, NBC, if you break up Pam and Jim.)
3) Reading all of your blogs. My Google Reader is seriously on fire. I mean, we all can’t participate in NaPoBloMo or there’d be no time to read all the mind-blowingly spectacular words filling up the world wide web, so I’m taking one for the blogging team this month. You’re welcome.
4) Laundry. There is simply nothing witty to say about laundry.
5) Cooking! I have a plethora of recipes to test out and even have a new folder in my inbox called ”Recipes” (that should really be entitled “What I did before I blogged”).
6) Speaking of cooking, watching Everyday Italian. Giada makes the most amazing dishes. And my friend J, with whom I watch, is Italian so he’s all, “Let’s get back to my roots!” And, I’m all, “Let’s be honest here, we’re both watching this show because she has great boobs.” And he’s all, “Word.”
7) (Still) Reading Infinite Jest because, NO, I didn’t finish it in November as planned. And, FINE, I think what I have read so far is so tedious and intense that my brain has been nearly blown to bits. But I will finish it, damnit, so I can at least rant about it with some amount of validity.
8.) Finding new and clever ways to get my parents drunk out of their minds so when I bring up the possibility of their purchasing me a new Rolex, they’ll slur “shuuure” instead of “woman, we are not a bank”.
9) Trying to master Photoshop because all of my Christmas gifts are going to be framed photos of Toronto. Sorry if you were holding out for an iTouch or a tea cosy. I have a shoe obsession to fund and debt to chip away at, which brings me to…
10) …WINNING THE LOTTERY4!
11) Re-designing my blog. It’ll be done by [redacted]. (I know, you’re thinking about the Infinte Jest timeline promise, aren’t you? Why do you hate?!)
12) Living my life, by which I mean going out, socalizing, and bringing sexy back, all of which require oodles and oodles of time.
13) And, really, I post like all the damn time anyway. For me, it’s all about the quality and not the quantity. But don’t worry — I’ll be reading and commenting as often as I can on all of your lovely everyday posts, because I admire each and every one of you. Even more so when I’m able to give all the tools in the nerd kingdom a rest for, like, five minutes and when it’s not 3am and I have to work the next day after staying up all night blogging and reading TMZ.com about things like Tiger’s escapades5 until the wee hours of the morning. Your point?
0 After I saw Julien Smith at Third Tuesday Toronto. One word: hawt. Yes, please.
1 For example, December’s theme is “mitzvah”, which, although I’m not Jewish, assume means “giving”. Each day you’re supposed to do something nice for someone and blog about it. As if.
2 By which I mean nothing in particular, thank god.
3 By which I mean ”lazy”. If you’re thinking to yourself, Yeah right, we all know she’s going to spend the entire month watching Veronica Mars reruns, you’d probably be spot on.
4 Because, you know, if you win the lottery in Canada, you pay ZERO tax on it. Can you believe that? On the 1 in 142 million chance that you actually win the lottery, you get 100% of the winnings! Forget that you pay 75% of your income in taxes the rest of your life…if you win the lottery, you pay nothing! Reason #476 to live in Canada, nón?
5 For shame.